{This Ends With Prayer}

I tried to be a normal person. Not too extreme with God. Not to be too involved. Do what ordinary people do.

I cannot. Life's meaningless this way. My life without God is just living everyday without a purpose, without a sense of direction. Even though a million and one things are happening, it's like inside I'm just an empty shell.

With God active in my life, He gives me a sense of purpose, a sense of direction, an inner knowing. It's like when people come near me and oops God flows out because I'm overflowing and basking in His presence. Now, when people come near me all they get is ... I don't even want to begin listing them. I don't like myself the way I am right now. And I'm not trying to be humble when I blog about this. It's true.

It's as if when I made the decision to walk into my own will instead of His, I become this horrible person that I once knew, and I really don't like who I am now. It's not as if I walked deliberately into this knowing I'd end up here. It's like subtle moves, tiny decisions that led to this.

Are you feeling this way too?

That you've faded away so far you don't really know how to get back. You're in ministry, but you're not ministering. Everything has become work. It's about completing projects, getting work done. It's no longer about His people.

Sometimes I think we try too hard to do the right things. The harder we try, the more our focus gets blurred and after a while, we're simply out of focus.

The best thing to do for times like this, is just to pray. Let Him lead us. Let Him open the doors. Let Him show us as He had done and will do.